


fingers crossed; hyunin

by kwanies



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, the other members are mentioned throughout but vv briefly !, they're cute and i love them, this was so fun to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 11:03:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20723150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwanies/pseuds/kwanies
Summary: hyunjin, for all his sweet-talking and clingy habits, doesn't know how to handle crushes, and one certain yang jeongin is making his life especially difficult.





	fingers crossed; hyunin

**Author's Note:**

> PHEW so this took me about 5 million years to write, but i finally got it done !!! i love these babies so so so much and i'm so happy i got around to writing something for them. i hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it !!

> _ and i got a thing for you, now _
> 
> _ and it won't go, it won't go _
> 
> _ and i think i want you more now _
> 
> _ but you don't know, you don't know _

hyunjin has no trouble pinpointing it, really, the exact moment that he realized exactly how gone he is. it’s not a vague memory, not thin lines blurred between years of time - no, he knows, he can remember it like some perfect nightmare, and if you were to ask him, he’d say that he wishes it had never happened at all.

was it a month ago? probably, no more than that. one of those days when summer was a little too warm in his throat and the air hung humid, slick against skin. minho kept telling him to shut the hell up,  _ we’re all suffering here, but you’re the only one being dramatic about it _ .

“i’m allowed to be upset,” he had whined.

“okay, but could you do it in a less annoying way?”

jeongin had interjected then, said, “don’t argue. you’re both annoying.”

minho grumbled, but hyunjin just laughed, resting the back of his hand against the younger’s cheek and grinning. “see, jeongin plays fair,” he’d said. “that’s why you’re my favorite.”

“ _ that’s _ why?”

hyunjin hummed, “that, and other things.”

jeongin had pretended to gag and pushed hyunjin’s hand away, all while the latter watched him fondly. it’s how they’ve always been - aggressively affectionate? no, actually, that’s just jeongin. it’s more like - like hyunjin doting on him to the point of being overbearing, and jeongin refusing any and all of his love as if it’s embarrassing. but it always comes out, eventually. the younger’s softer side. like later that night, when everything got way more complicated for hyunjin than it had ever been before.

they were laying in jeongin’s bed, sheets pushed down to their ankles because it was too hot to actually lay under them. the rest had left a few hours before and hyunjin had settled on staying the night, since it wasn’t like jeongin ever minded, anyway. that’s when it  _ started _ .

jeongin had asked, “what did you mean, earlier? like, and other things. what other things?”

“hm?” hyunjin stared at him for a moment, digging up the memory and feeling the smile stretch across his face, as wide as it could go. “why do you ask, huh?” jeongin had seemed to flush a little.

“i’m just curious.”

hyunjin rolled over so that he was on his side, noticing every quirk in the other boy’s profile - the way his nose scrunched, a telltale sign that he was more embarrassed than he’d like to let on, how his frown fixed so small, almost pouting. his eyes, too. hyunjin always thought jeongin had the prettiest eyes. dark and shining, glimmering kind of. like something was lighting them up from the inside.

“if you’re asking me to list out everything it is that i love about you so much - “

“no, that’s not it - “

“ - then alright. for starters, i think you’re like, the cutest person ever. everything about you is just so precious, and - i don’t know - you don’t even  _ try _ . you just smile or whatever and the whole world seems to be a little nicer, y’know? you’re so soft and endearing.” he was still looking at jeongin, searching for any hint of discomfort, but there wasn’t one. the latter just stared up at the ceiling and waited patiently for hyunjin to continue.

“and you’ve also got … such a good heart. you’re really kind, yeah? always looking out for others and trying to take care of them, getting invested in problems that aren’t even yours to deal with, because you  _ care _ so much and all you wanna do is help. i think that’s so admirable.” he goes on, “you’re funny, too, you always make me laugh so much. and you listen to me and deal with my shit - minho’s right, i am really dramatic, but you never get upset when i overreact to things. you’re so patient with me. you listen to me talk about all my dramas for  _ hours _ and you never complain, even when you have no idea what i’m going on about.

“you’re really considerate, and smart, and interesting to talk to. and - and when you sleep, you make these little sounds - kind of like snoring, but way softer, and i think that’s  _ so _ cute.”

it had occurred to hyunjin, then, how fast his heart was beating. racing like crazy, going a hundred miles an hour and burning the inside of his chest. he thought that if he were to stick his hand past his ribcage and hold it himself, it’d be hot to the touch. an overheated engine. and he had no idea  _ why _ .

when jeongin hadn’t responded right away, hyunjin coughed. “i could go on, but i’m a little too sleepy to think of it all, and i bet you’re sick of hearing me talk, anyway.”

“no,” jeongin said. he moved so that his cheek was resting against the pillow and his eyes were resting on hyunjin, full and bright like they’ve always been. “i mean, no. i don’t get sick of hearing you talk. i never do.”

“oh.”

his heart, beating, beating - beating itself up, practically. ramming itself against hyunjin’s chest until he felt like it might be bruised, and he still couldn’t imagine why. maybe he’d eaten something that gave him heartburn. maybe it was the heat.

or maybe it was just jeongin, he thought, and the way he looked at him just then. maybe it was how later that night, after jeongin had dozed off quietly, hyunjin kept closing the distance between them.

jeongin moves a lot in his sleep. it’s not unusual for him to throw an arm or a leg over hyunjin at some point in the night - hell, there’ve been times when jeongin full on splayed himself out over hyunjin’s body. it was a joking point for both of them.  _ you’re so annoying when you sleep. you move too much. i can’t breathe. i have to physically move you off of me before i suffocate. _

but that night - it was that night. the first time hyunjin found himself liking the feeling of jeongin’s weight against him. the first time that, if jeongin happened to move away at some point, hyunjin felt the need to pull him back over. like he was cold without him.

and it was that night that it hit him.

—

okay, back to now.

having a full-blown, horrifyingly intense crush on jeongin over the last few weeks had been characterized by a few things: hyunjin being uncharacteristically awkward around the younger, his pulse going haywire at every little thing, and their friends, who, unfortunately for hyunjin, are not complete dumbasses and love to make him miserable.

on the bright side, though, jeongin seems to be the only person in their group who hasn’t picked up on his shift in demeanour.

minho particularly likes to pick on him -  _ all in good fun! _ is what he says, but hyunjin can’t help wanting to wring his neck sometimes when he decides to be an asshole. like, when they’re all gathered at chan’s house for movie night, and there’s really only so much room on the couch. hyunjin normally wouldn’t have a problem with jeongin shoving himself up beside him in what little space remains, but this time it’s a bit uncomfortable. not because there’s anything  _ wrong _ with jeongin, but, well. hyunjin has a stupidly hard time breathing when they’re that close. minho’s definitely noticed this.

“could you move down just a little bit,” hyunjin mutters, trying to push minho further down the couch.

“there’s no more room,” the boy pouts, “i can only make so much space. that’s alright, though, jeongin doesn’t mind - do you, jeongin?”

“hm?” jeongin looks up from his phone, glancing over, and hyunjin has to force himself to not meet his eyes. he might go into cardiac arrest if he does.

“being a little squished,” minho clarifies. “it’s okay, right? it’s just hyunjin.”

“no, ‘course not.” as if proving it, jeongin smiles and lays his head on hyunjin’s shoulder. he says, “i’m comfortable,” and minho shoots hyunjin a taunting look, like he’s barely holding back his laughter. jisung slaps him on the knee.

“ow - what the hell?”

through pursed lips, barely loud enough for hyunjin to hear, jisung says, “don’t be a dick.”

movie night sucks, hyunjin has decided. if there is a god, it hates him. if the universe is sentient, it hates him. the world hates him. jeongin spends all three films attached to hyunjin - leaning on him, holding his arm, throwing his legs over his lap - and really, this has to be some sick joke. it doesn’t help that minho keeps suggesting shitty western romances.

“should we do a fourth?” chan asks.

_ no, no, no, please no -  _ “ah, i promised i wouldn’t come home too late,” jeongin says, sitting up. “you guys can go ahead, though.” the space beside hyunjin frees up and he can feel the air rushing back to his lungs - part of him also feels a little empty, though. he just can’t win.

they all say goodnight to the younger and promise to keep him updated about whatever film it is they choose next, and he leaves. chan barely has enough time to get off the couch and start sorting through his dvd collection before minho breaks out into laughter.

“fuck movie night,” he says, and he can hardly get it out through his cackling. “hyunjin’s the real entertainment. the look on your face, i’m - “ he breaks off, clutching his stomach and wincing when jisung shoves his shoulder.

“don’t be mean,” he says. he looks at hyunjin like he’s a kicked puppy, sickeningly sympathetic. “it wasn’t that bad, you seemed fine.” at this point, they’ve all just acknowledged and accepted that hyunjin is long gone for jeongin. he doesn’t even bother denying it.

“i felt like dying,” he says flatly. jisung stammers.

“right, but - i mean - i mean you didn’t  _ look _ like you were dying, if it makes you feel any better.”

hyunjin leans back into the couch cushion and groans. “this blows. fuck having crushes. i’m going to surgically remove my feelings.” from where he’s crouched on the floor, chan’s voice carries clear and comforting.

“it’ll be alright, hyunjin. it just feels weird because you’ve been friends for so long.”

“right, of course. it doesn’t matter that jeongin’s my best friend, or that he  _ doesn’t feel the same _ . that’s just fine, not a problem. what would help,” he adds before chan has the chance to respond, “is if minho didn’t love making my life a living hell. i’d really appreciate that.”

minho watches him, squinting. “you know i love you?” he asks.

“ … shut the fuck up.”

“okay, okay,” he raises his palms in mock-surrender. “i tried my best.”

hyunjin just sighs and shovels another handful of popcorn into his mouth, glaring at some invisible spot on the carpet. “just put the movie on. this is last thing i want to think about.” it’s useless, though, to say that sort of thing.

he spends the rest of the evening only thinking of jeongin, anyway.

—

jeongin waits for hyunjin to get out of dance practice every time, always, four times a week without exception. hyunjin’s told him enough times that he doesn’t have to bother, but the boy never takes it - “if i really minded,” he always says, “i wouldn’t do it. but i  _ like _ spending time with you, idiot, so i do.” hyunjin could always argue some more, but part of him is afraid that maybe one day jeongin might actually listen to him.

which, he doesn’t want to lose a single bit of this, this tradition they’ve built up over the years; they’ll stop at a little cafe down the street before catching the bus to go to the library, because hyunjin likes to read and jeongin likes to listen, and they’ll spend the next few hours on one of the sofas, hyunjin reading out softly. he never actually knows if jeongin’s paying attention to the story, but he likes the sentiment of it all the same.

sentiment, like, feeling? like hyunjin can lean his head against jeongin’s shoulder and the latter will never complain, even though his hair is wet from just showering, and sometimes he’ll even lay his cheek against the top of hyunjin’s head while he listens. sentiment, like hyunjin’s days tend to go by fast and his life feels like a powerpoint presentation, but time spent like this makes everything feel a bit slower, less hectic. like he can allow himself to breathe and his heart to steady itself before hopping back into real-time.

but it’s different, now.

now, when hyunjin reads, he’ll fumble with the words and skip entire sentences. he’ll start to think about jeongin’s arm against his back instead of the letters on the page and get distracted, and jeongin will have to nudge him and remind him where he left off (so maybe he  _ is _ paying attention, after all). now, hyunjin’s way more nervous around the boy and way less capable of keeping his cool, and it’s all he can do to not shut down completely when he feels jeongin smiling against him.

“is everything alright? you seem off, lately.”

“lately?”

“yeah … nothing bad, just. i’ve noticed.”

he can feel his breath hitch, and thank  _ god _ for the way they’re sitting, because it means jeongin can’t see the color rising to his cheeks.  _ so it is noticeable …  _

“huh,” he says, after maybe too long of a pause, “weird. i feel fine.”

jeongin doesn’t seem totally convinced, but he lets it go. “mm, if you say so.”

hyunjin says so, but he’s a liar, and nothing about this feels fine - it feels hot, panicky, like a clipped wire sparking at the end. like his palms are too sweaty and the thoughts bouncing against his skull are enough to give him a headache. his throat closes up at the worst of times, his heart races a little too fast. it’s horrible.

strangely, though - and this is what  _ kills _ him - he doesn’t want it to stop. he wouldn’t trade it for the world, this tradition, their library dates (can he call them dates?) and whispered conversations. every time, always, four times a week without exception.

—

“buy him flowers,” chan say. hyunjin snorts.

“is that a joke?”

“he’d think it’s cute.”

“he’d think it’s weird.”

“trust me, he’d love it.”

“i’m not buying him flowers.”

chan shrugs, making a sort of  _ tsk _ sound. “alright, fine.”

—

_ screw you, chan, _ is what hyunjin’s thinking that afternoon, swiping his card at the register and giving the cashier a tight smile as she ties a ribbon around a bunch of stems. “for someone special?” she asks, and he rolls his shoulders uncomfortably.

“er, sort of. my best friend.”

she smiles gingerly, handing him the bouquet - a whole assortment of pinks and yellows, paper thin petals in soft purples, blues - “sounds special to me,” she says.

it wasn’t on his mind, really. he was  _ not _ thinking about the little flower shop three streets over, didn’t even consider stopping by and getting anything from there. he just happened to be - well, you know, walking along, and there it was, and - 

okay, so he bought flowers for jeongin.  _ fine _ . but he just thought they’d make him smile.

jeongin’s a garden in his own right, hyunjin thinks. flowers in his heart, vines twining around his ribcage and leaves poking between the bones, crawling up his throat; a little bit of freshness in every word he says, colorful, springtime softness in his tone of voice. he’s got a gaze warm like dandelions. pastel ribbons woven through his hair, sweet-smelling. hyunjin sighs and tries to calm his heart rate, but it’s useless.

“what are these?” is the first thing jeongin asks when he opens his front door, letting hyunjin in. “they’re pretty.”

“they’re for you,” he says. he tries to make it sound casual, but his voice comes out clipped and awkward.

“oh - me? why?”

“just … thought you’d like them.”

jeongin takes the bouquet and hyunjin avoids his eyes, slipping off his shoes and starting down the hall to jeongin’s room. he can hear the younger make a noise, a slight, breathy laugh, and he stops to look back at him. jeongin holds the flowers up to his face, looking down at them with the  _ softest _ smile hyunjin’s ever seen. he swallows.

“well … thanks, i do like them. that’s really sweet of you.”

he finds a vase of water to put them in and carries it to his room so he can set them right by his window - “and every morning when i wake up, they’ll be right there for me to see,” is what he says, and hyunjin has to double check to make sure his pulse hasn’t totally stopped.

conversation starters, conversation continuers. hyunjin won’t say it out loud, but he’s silently saying thank you to chan for being smarter than him. a pastel bunch of petals starts them off on one end and quickly spirals into something else, a million other things for them to talk about. jeongin tells hyunjin about the garden he tried planting when he was in grade school (which, he already knew that) and he tells hyunjin - blushing - how no one’s ever bought him flowers before, but he always secretly hoped someone would (and hyunjin didn’t know  _ that _ ). it makes the latter’s throat tickle, sickeningly heartfelt and entirely pleased with himself.

“you’re my favorite,” hyunjin says, like it’s some sort of explanation. the statement feels familiar. weeks ago but so close to today, jeongin’s always his favorite.

“it’s not good to play favorites with your friends,” jeongin says, but he’s smiling when he says it.

“it’s not  _ bad _ . i still love the other guys, obviously, but. you know.”

“ _ do _ i know?”

“yeah, i mean … i have a soft spot for you. that’s not wrong, it’s just how i feel.” 

hyunjin’s throat feels tight, ready to close up, like he’s having some allergic reaction to his own words. he’s exposing himself, he knows, but the look jeongin gives him is one kind enough and bright enough to make it worth it.

“okay,” he says, still smiling. “then, for what it’s worth, you’re my favorite, too. my favorite boy.”

“your best friend?”

“‘course, you already know that.”

he wants to know, wants to ask,  _ is it friendly? _ buying flowers, holding each other’s hands without prompt and all the gentle things they tell each other - he doesn’t ask, though, because he knows. it is friendly. it’s perfectly friendly. the only thing that makes this  _ not _ friendly is the fact that hyunjin doesn’t want it to be, but jeongin doesn’t know that.

“yeah, he says, soft spoken with a soft heart. “i suppose i do.”

—

“i don’t know what to  _ do _ .” it comes out sounding like a whine, probably because it is, and woojin looks at him pitifully. “like, fuck. how long am i gonna be stuck like this?”

“i don’t know,” woojin answers honestly. “you can never tell with these things. but, i mean - you know, i don’t think it would be totally pointless to consider telling him how you feel … ? maybe?” hyunjin scoffs.

“ha, good one. like i’d do that. i want to be his fucking boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean i’m willing to risk losing him as my  _ friend _ , first and foremost.”

“i don’t think you would be. have you seen the way he looks at you? come on. the kid  _ likes _ you.”

hyunjin moves, twisting his body around to look at woojin at the other end of the sofa. “what do you mean?” he blinks, confused. woojin looks just as lost as him.

“has no one told you that?”

“told me what?”

“that - uh, i don’t know.” hyunjin scrambles to sit up, nearly falling out of his seat from how fast he moves.

“no, you  _ know _ something. spit it out.”

“i don’t know if this is my business to share, i just - i thought that maybe one of the others would have said something already? i mean, fucking  _ minho _ had to have said something, right?”

“said  _ what? _ i still don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“jeongin,” woojin sighs, like it’s obvious or something. “he’s whipped for you.”

“he told you that?”

“well, he never  _ told _ me - but it’s obvious, you know? and i think he might’ve said something to chan about it.”

hyunjin has to sit back and think for a moment, dumbstruck. he feels like an idiot, a grade-A dumbass. the first thing he says is, “of  _ course _ minho didn’t tell me. he’s been having the time of his life watching me struggle.”

“in his defense, we all have.”

hyunjin groans, rubbing his eyes with both hands. “what if you’re lying to me?” he asks, muffled behind the sleeves of his sweater.

“i’m not an asshole, hyunjin, i wouldn’t do that.”

“okay, then what if you’re wrong?”

“i’m 90% sure i’m not,” woojin insists. “the only person blind enough to not realize jeongin has a thing for you is - well, you.”

he’s having a hard time grasping it, actually. like, he’s been losing his mind over this for over a month, and  _ now _ he figures this out? woojin laughs at him. he says, “close your mouth, stupid,” and hyunjin promptly shuts his mouth, swallowing.

“so, then, if i were to say something - i wouldn’t get rejected, right?” woojin shrugs.

“i’m not gonna make you any promises, man, but i think you should go for it. it would be good for you to try.”

hyunjin tries to organize it, file his thoughts all neat into a cabinet and sort through them logically; if anything goes wrong, he could screw up his whole friendship with jeongin. make things awkward and tense between the two of them - he  _ loves _ what they have. the only thing that would hurt him more than the fact that he can’t be  _ with _ jeongin would be not having him at all.

and if he tries, if he takes the risk and says something, it could go wrong. he could take a wrecking ball to everything they’ve built over the last few years.

“but it could also go right,” woojin tells him, squeezing his shoulder affirmingly. “it could be better than anything you’d have hoped for.” is that worth the risk? hyunjin wonders.

maybe, he thinks. maybe it is.

—

it’s late, too late. hyunjin is too tired, too sleep-deprived to think right. he’d woken up early that morning for practice and immediately gone for lunch afterward with seungmin, and then finding changbin later at the library to help him with some studying. “you know, jeongin asked me to hang out with him today, and i told him i was going to help you  _ study _ . during summer. i could be having a good time right now, and i gave it up to help you do some stupid chemistry prep.”

“okay,” changbin started, “three things: firstly, you could be having the time of your life, and you’d still rather be with jeongin. second, i’m gonna be acing chemistry next year while you struggle in bio. and lastly, you love me. so.”

he wasn’t wrong, not really, and hyunjin couldn’t lie about that. he crossed his arms and grumbled about it, anyway.

after the library was felix, who smiled wide when hyunjin told him he’d spent part of the afternoon with changbin but forgot about it (as per usual, with his 7-second attention span) as soon as hyunjin pulled up the game console. the kid had a cupboard in his room stocked with chips and cookies and soda, and they lived off it for the next five hours while they marathoned fortnite (hyunjin, of course, got his ass beat).

“i don’t get it,” he’d whined. “it’s not like you’re even  _ good _ at the game.” felix snickered.

“yeah. that’s a pretty massive loss for you, then.”

so, what was it? lunch, studying, gaming - ah, right.  _ jeongin _ . it always, always comes back to jeongin. it’s like hyunjin has a wire in his head specifically labeled for the boy, and it goes straight down to his heart, always running and always thinking of him.

jeongin had asked him to stay the night. who was hyunjin to say no?

late, too late, too tired and too sleep-deprived to think right. they’re laying on jeongin’s bed with the laptop positioned on hyunjin’s knees so they can both see the screen, running through every shitty netflix original they can find. it’s nearly 2am, and hyunjin’s starting to doze off.

“hey, you can’t sleep,” jeongin mumbles, nudging him. “the movie’s not done.”

hyunjin groans, “i already know how this is gonna end, it’s full of cliches.”

“what’s wrong with cliches? you know, they’re called cliches because they  _ work _ . people like them so much, they get used over and over.”

hyunjin studies at him the best he can, through narrowed, sleepy eyes, lashes tangled and fuzzying his sight. “doesn’t it get boring?”

“not if it’s done right.”

“give me an example.”

jeongin’s smile turns sheepish. he moves until he’s squished himself up against the headboard, hugging his knees to his chest and looking awfully small, and hyunjin feels punched by the idea of wrapping his arms around the younger boy. the lovely, pretty boy, with gleaming eyes and a face that glows. but he keeps his hands folded in his lap.

“well,” jeongin starts slowly, chewing his lip. “i like the stories where - where it’s friends, you know? not two strangers who fall in love, not enemies, but just two good friends who really like each other, and neither one of them is quick enough to realize it right off the bat.”

hyunjin swallows, suddenly gripped by some anxious feeling. he tries to crack a smile. “oh yeah?” jeongin nods.

“yeah. i think it’s nice seeing that sort of progression - you have two people who clearly care about each other a lot, right from the start, and then something shifts. when it’s done right, you can see the change in their relationship, but it’s really subtle. like, they always loved each other, and now they still love each other. it’s just … i dunno. different. does that make sense?”

hyunjin forgets to nod. he forgets to speak, to breathe. he’s just staring, staring, dumfounded, looking like a lovesick idiot because that’s exactly what he is. jeongin laughs, and is he only imagining that it sounds a little nervous?

“does that sound stupid?”

“wh - ? no, no, oh my god. i get what you mean. i - “ hyunjin pauses, and there’s a strange feeling in the room. something is swooping in his chest. the air seems suspended, his heart climbing up to his lungs. it’s like one of those amusement park rides that take you up, up, up to the very top of the world, and in the split second it takes for you to start plummeting back down to earth, you can feel every organ in your body reaching for the sky.

he always panics on those rides. he feels like he isn’t in control of his own body, just waiting for the world to stop moving and everything to fit back into place. he’s panicking now, too, but a voice in his head is telling him that  _ he _ needs to be the one to stop this ride.

he reaches for the lever. “jeongin?” he says.

“yeah?”

he wraps his fist around it and braces himself. “can i tell you something?”

“of course.”

counting one, two, three … 

“i really like you. like,  _ really _ like you. a lot.”

he pulls, and the ride stops. his heart slots back into his chest but it won’t stop racing. his bones aren’t made of jello anymore, but they’re laced with adrenaline. he breathes. jeongin breathes.

and then - and then, he smiles.

“oh,  _ god _ . i’m so glad you said that.”

“wh-what?”

jeongin’s grin is big enough to take over his whole face, lighting it up like it’s made of sunshine and warming the whole room. “i wasn’t sure if you felt the same, and i - i just, i didn’t wanna say anything in case i was wrong, and - jesus,  _ fuck _ , i’ve had my fingers crossed for weeks now that you’d be the one to say something first, and you were.”

“hold on, i’m confused.”

jeongin laughs. shutting the laptop and moving it away from hyunjin so he can scooch closer, and their knees touch. “dummy. i like you, too. a lot. a lot, a lot.” hyunjin feels dizzy, and it’s probably showing on his face because jeongin laughs again.

he stammers, “i - but i - i mean, since when?”

“since, like, a while ago. long enough for me to start thinking this was going nowhere. you’ve always been clingy, with everyone, so it was hard to tell how you felt. but i wasn’t exactly being subtle.”

hyunjin blinks. “right, well. i’m dumb.”

“yeah, i’ve noticed.”

“does this mean i can kiss you now?”

jeongin reddens considerably, sending hyunjin’s heart into a fit of gymnastics. “i mean, yeah, i guess,” he mumbles, and hyunjin’s smile pulls across his face so wide he can feel his cheeks aching. it’s his most genuine smile in weeks - not weighed down by embarrassment, or nerves. the butterflies in his stomach are still fluttering, but they’re free, no longer locked up in a cage and beating against the bars. this feels  _ comfortable _ .

jeongin looks down to his fingers, fiddling with each other. taking the initiative for the second time that day, hyunjin pulls him close.

he can feel the boy’s breath stop short against his lips, and when he asks, “this is okay, right?” jeongin nods his head yes. and the space between them becomes nonexistent.

hyunjin’s vaguely aware of the fact that he isn’t breathing, that there isn’t any oxygen being supplied to him so long as his mouth is busy, but kissing jeongin almost feels like there is. like they meld together so perfectly, hyunjin can barely notice the absence of air, that something so crucial is missing, because he’s got something else just as important replacing it.

it’s soft, careful; this is what he’s been  _ wanting _ . jeongin swallows up his heart and hyunjin trusts him wholly.  _ stupid idiot, _ he thinks to himself.  _ you should’ve figured this out sooner. _

when they pull apart, jeongin’s got two rosy patches on his cheeks, and hyunjin wants to kiss them both. instead, he laughs a little breathlessly, saying, “can we do this more often, now?” and jeongin shoves him lightly.

“you can’t be gross in front of our friends.”

“i’m always gross in front of our friends, dating or not.”

hyunjin falls forward to giggle into jeongin’s chest when the latter rolls his eyes - “that’s true” - and holds him tight, just as he always has, but with a little more feeling, this time.

“you’re my favorite, innie.”

jeongin sighs, bringing his hand to rest against hyunjin’s back. the action feels gentle, affectionate.

“yeah,” he whispers, soft. “you’re mine, too.”


End file.
